5 Life Lessons I Learned from My Son with Down Syndrome

When my son was born with Down Syndrome 35 years ago, I never imagined that he would teach me important life lessons. In his own gentle way, he did just that! He lives an unhurried, full, and positive life. He doesn’t harbor resentment or judge others. He just speaks his mind, always with kindness, and does what he loves.

It continues to be an amazing journey as I watch him thrive in an independent living environment, making friends, caring for himself and his home, and being active in his community. There isn’t much he can’t do!

He has taught me so much in the last 35 years.  From patience and hope to acceptance and love, he has changed my world in such a positive way!  I’d like to share five of the life lessons that have had the greatest impact on my life.

1.        Live life on your own terms.

My son lives this out every day.  He is transparent and genuine in his interactions with others.  He has shown me that I, too, can be myself and that I don’t have to prove anything to anyone.  Just as he shares his kindness, gifts, and talents, he encourages me to do the same.  

 My word of the year this year is Harmony.  I define it as living a life of balance, happiness, and contentment. It means an unhurried life with an overall sense of well-being.  My harmony includes being true to myself and interacting with joy.  

 I’ve learned all these things and more from my son.  You will never meet anyone more content than him!  He is joyful and never in a rush (a good and a bad thing).  I owe him so much for modeling these things for me.

 2.        Extend a smile to everyone.

My son has the most contagious and bright smile.  He lights up any room he’s in.  When he smiles, people smile back!

 A smile can be one of the most powerful things we can share.  It takes very little effort, costs nothing, and could make a big difference in someone’s day.  It can be the start of a friendship, eliminate stress, and even suggest to others that you’re successful!

Even on days when I’m feeling out-of-sorts, I still smile at others and soon I’m in a much better mood!  I read that a smile tricks your brain into happiness!

Who do you know who could use a smile?

3.         Be flexible and adaptable.

 My son just takes life as it comes.  He is one of the most adaptable people I know.  Instead of asking, “Why me?” he considers, “What now?”. 

 For example, when he was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, and we told him he couldn’t have dairy or gluten like cookies or bread, his first question was, “You mean I can’t have pizza?”  Then he asked about what he could eat!   Of course, we found dairy and gluten-free pizza and other foods, but he was already looking for an alternative.

 This has been a very important lesson for me.  I admit that I like to feel like I’m in control, which is an illusion anyway.  Being flexible, especially when you experience disappointments, is key.  Looking at the lesson behind the disappointment and the other options open to you can help maintain a positive outlook on life.

 I have started asking myself how I reframe, adapt, or change situations and things in my life that just aren’t working.  What would my son do?  Sometimes, there’s a simple, straightforward answer.  When there isn’t, it’s time to adapt again.

4.         Take time for yourself.

My son recently started saying that he needed “me time,” which I’m sure he heard from me!  For him, this means that he needs to be alone in his own space. Since he was small, he needed time alone to recharge and rest.  He can just shut down when he needs a break, which I’ve learned to recognize. This doesn’t mean he’s not active; it just means he needs frequent breaks.  He dislikes large crowds and loud noises, which quickly make him shut down.

He never apologizes for having to take a break; it’s just something he needs, and he does it.  This has been another powerful lesson for me. 

Many of us see busyness as part of success.  What my son taught me is that to be successful, you must take time for yourself, time to rest and recharge.  I recently started practicing working for 25 minutes and resting for 5 minutes.  I was surprised to find I felt better and accomplished more. There are many strategies out there, so find the one that works best for you.

5.         Less worry = more joy.

 My son doesn’t worry or fret about anything.  He accepts each day and each moment as it comes.  He doesn’t have outrageous or unreasonable expectations.  For him, life is simple.  I used to joke that his favorite phrases when he was younger were What’s for dinner and Can I watch a movie?

Today, he has much more complex needs and wants, but he doesn’t worry about the future. What a beautiful way to live!  Imagine facing each morning with anticipation rather than worry and experiencing joy!

 These days, I’m a work in progress related to less worry.  I am better at dealing with unmet expectations and focusing more on the “What Now.”  There are many things in life to be grateful for, and this is part of my son’s lesson. Focusing on gratitude for the things I have keeps me from worrying about the future or what I don’t have.  

 Today, I’m grateful for the gift of my son, for the rich life I have because of him, and for the lessons he’s taught me along the way.  I hope you get to meet him someday.  He’s an extraordinary shining light in an ordinary world.

Linda Bonner is an author, speaker, writer, artist, and parent of an adult son with Down Syndrome.  In her bestselling book, Blessed with Extraordinary, she shares hope, support, and resources with families raising a child with Down Syndrome and other intellectual and developmental disabilities.  You can connect with her at www.blessedwithextraordinary.com and on social @more_extraordinary_days.